Welcome to the Russian roulette of newsletters
Welcome to ON SHUFFLE a place where I gather new music *finds*, delicious food discoveries, movies that touch me, and/or running thoughts of anything I can think of. Sometimes in Spanish, sometimes in English. Sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. Sometimes it will make sense, others it might just be a list of my favorite memes that week. It is a place for brains to run wild- mine and yours.
I like it random, but that name was already taken.
And without further ado for this issue, you will be getting-
London’s dating scene 2023 (in a voice message)
Lottie’s side hustle
Kraan’s poetry
How hares mate
Update on the road to the Oscars checklist
Alfa Mist and booty dancing tingz
Let’s begin!
London’s dating scene 2023 (in a voice message)
I am single. Dating for fun tho not nearly wanting to be in a relationship any time soon… So OBVIOUSLY, every time I meet someone new I show some of my friends their profile and sometimes a message or two.
My friend Rabea has been married for about 8 years… so she doesn’t understand the hustle to say the least (to be completely honest neither do I) but she did pointed out the other day that everyone I talk to, sounds like they are applying for a job. AND I CAN’T UNSEE IT NOW. I don’t know if it is the energy of living in a big city where most people (at least in my age group) are doing the rat race or maybe just the Capitalism pressure to find value through money, who knows! Point is, Rabea sent me a fake “applying” to be my date voice note and I think it is the absolute most hilarious thing because it just sounds A BIT TOO FAMILIAR.
So no I give you…the old 20s-early 30s London’s dating scene…. in 1 voice note!
Lottie´s side hustle
Lottie and I work for the same video-game publisher. So yes, by day we actually spend our office hours publishing and selling indie video-games! But let’s focus on what we do at nighttime... We are ladies that hustle. Unlike my side hustle where I write a free weekly newsletter with 18 subscribers, Lottie is actually making money in Only Fans. She might not be a kink expert but she knows way more than I do so I asked her to come here and educate us (like she does to me at work haha).
So without further ado here is something you probably didn’t about furries, Only Fans business algorithms and other kinks-
Kraan’s poetry
Krann and I met how I usually meet most of my best friends- working together. We suffered/rejoiced together working at Curzon Soho before the pandemic and even thought the world has changed a lot we remain true in nature- creatives that create, all the damn time.
Kraan recently has moved a bit away from his hyper-literally humour cartoons to poetry, so I’ve asked him to do a special series for us.
Here they are-
(this is actually Kraan’s GIF btw- find his collection of GIFs here)
How hares mate 🐰 ❤️ 🐰
Last Sunday I went to Michael’s house to indulge in the sweet hangover movie watching post birthday party classic type of evening. After crying a bit with the Pan’s Labyrinth, we moved on to watch some David Attenborough’s grassland documentaries and there was a particular chapter that resonated with me the most… The hares breeding ritual. So for those of you who do not have a Now.Tv subscription apparently female hares set 3 challenges for the male hares in order to choose them as a breeding partner. The first challenge is the smell. The male hare will go over the female hare so she can smell a gland he has just below his neck- this will tell her how good his genes are (or something of that nature). The second challenge is physical- the female hare will then proceed to punch the fuck out of the male hare to see if he can match her strength. She will then race him to see if he can also match her speed. Having passed the first 2 challenges, the male hare then gets to pee on her, so that the female hare can confirm that his smell and genes are really of the highest pedigree. Sometimes, other male hares will invade the “date” and try to get their own lottery ticket in the same round so it is not uncommon that the female hares leave the scene with multiple male hares piss on. It’s gross.
I think that what really happened here was that one day, a male hare was desperate and didn’t know what else to do to impress a female hare and in a moment of panic he peed on her, and she, tired and wet, just went like “okay sure”. That dude then went to the hare pub that night and told the story to his hare lads and well, the rest is evolution.
The point of this story is that afterwards, I couldn’t stop thinking what would be my 3 set challenges for anyone that wishes to breed with me (pardon my French)- so after a few conversations with different friends, I landed on these-
Has to be able to cook- good cooking symbolises being a grow-up with taste which is essential.
Has to be able to make me laugh- this one I actually didn’t come up with myself, so shoutout to Jess and Pavle.
It used to be *has to work really hard*, but now it really is- has to find the joy in life.
I am a full hustler that still finds value in working really hard, but there is no point in working really hard if you can’t enjoy the ride. My best friends and I all agree on this, this is really the common thread across all of them no matter in which part of the world they are or what do they do- I found that I connect who I connect with, because we all love stopping the car to watch the sunset, signing up for a waterfall hike last minute even if we didn’t bring the right shoes, buying a kilogram of baby chillies just because they look so pretty. If you don’t enjoy the things with spirit… I am afraid you can’t pee on me.
You also have to be sexy, but I didn’t wanted to sound superficial and there is only 3 challenges aloud… So yeah- sexyness gets an honorary mention.
Haha.
Oscar winning checklist progress
A couple of weeks ago I decided that I have had enough of my non Oscar winning life and it was about time to change that. So I made a 12 steps list to change this with the promise to keep updating it here every time I completed each point… And now I am happy to announce that I have now completed point 2. Writing the script-
12 Steps to Winning an Oscar in 12 Months
Come up with an Oscar-winning idea ✅
Write Oscar-winning script
✅Plan Oscar-winning shoot
Shoot Oscar-winning movie
Edit Oscar-winning movie
Finish Oscar-winning movie
Submit Oscar-winning movie to festivals
Get an invitation from the Oscars for my Oscar-winning film
Go to the Oscars with my nominated Oscar-winning film
Win the Oscar
Celebrate winning an Oscar
Go home with Oscar
I know realise this is a bit of a useless series since I can’t actually discuss the project openly… but I thought I’d give a few hints every time I complete a number of the list. For this month I can say- it is set in modern times, it is set in Spanish, and it is set in México.
We are going in with out heart in our sleeve as per usual…
Await for more hints for my transformation into Taika Waititi!
Until step 3!
Alfa Mist and booty dancing tings
Late to the party but here to stay. In case you don’t know him, I give you… Alfa Mist.
Y otras cosas para romper el suelo "(con el trasero)…
That’s it!
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